The time has come. Time to have “the talk”. No, not that talk. It’s time to talk to your parents about senior living.
First, take a deep breath. You got this. If you haven’t already considered whether it is time for your parents to move, check out our guide here for what to look for in a home, signals your parents may be showing in their physical or mental well-being, and signs of dementia or Alzheimer’s disease.
Shannon Kersey, our Regional Clinical Specialist, recommends starting these conversations immediately. “This allows time to research communities and to discuss options,” Shannon says. Starting these conversations early empowers your parents to be more involved in the conversation and decision-making process. Having that independence about where they live will help them find a community they love.
Bringing up the idea of senior living early also means bringing it up before it is needed. This allows for more autonomy in decision-making, and planning ahead also eases everyone’s anxiety. Too often, families have these conversations under duress after an unexpected illness or accident.
“Having some information when starting these conversations is always a good idea,” Shannon says. You can begin researching by simply searching for “senior living near me,” “assisted living near me,” or “memory care near me.” Find some nearby communities and schedule a tour, collect their brochures, and ask any preliminary questions you might have. This research will prepare you to have these conversations. Some information may pique your parents' interest, and they’ll likely have questions. This is a great opportunity to say, “Let’s find out together!”
If you have friends or other family members with senior members living in a senior living community, talk to them about their experience. This may help you avoid any pitfalls or mistakes in the process.
This may not be a conversation for many seniors they’re ready to have. There might be many reasons for their hesitancy, from fear to stubbornness; they may think they are “too young” for senior living. Keep your conversations light and positive. After all, you have their best interests at heart! If you’re having these conversations early and often and maintaining a positive tone, they may be more receptive to having the conversation. Focus on their mental and physical health and well-being. Talk about convenience, safety, and socialization. Keep a running list of questions.
We frequently hear, “I am fine alone; I don’t need help.” This is a huge life change for our seniors; sometimes, they see it as losing their homes and independence. Change is not only challenging but can also be scary. It is very important to remember to discuss the positive changes that will come and to listen to and validate the feelings of our seniors.
So, what’s next? What are the next steps once a parent agrees to begin the process? Schedule some tours and do your research. Involve your parents in the process. Allow them to pick locations and communities they would like to tour. Touring a community is critical because the 'nursing homes' they remember differ significantly from today's 'senior living communities.’ Schedule a visit during a meal or an activity your parent enjoys. Let them decide what furniture to move and how to decorate their new apartment. Keeping them actively involved and energized in the process is vital.
In full transparency, most seniors will not volunteer to investigate senior living independently. Most say they would rather choose to stay in their own home. However, after settling into a community, most residents are happy with their decision! They meet new people, get help with complex tasks, eat good food (and not do the dishes after). So, while this conversation may be difficult for many families, the end result is worth a few uncomfortable conversations.
